"Time to turn off the PC, go outside and play!"
"What Windows really does when copying your files..."
"We be edumacated"
"Sushh, it’s a secret… #1"
"Sushh, it’s a secret… #2"
"Irony at its finest!"
Car for Sale (Classifieds from Ireland)|
Blue, three door, mint condition,
only 1st gear and reverse used,
power-steering (never tried),
total mileage: 17 mi, for own collection.
|From a radio conversation released by the American Navy|
|a).||"Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision."|
|b).||"Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collison."|
|a).||"This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again divert YOUR course."|
|b).||"No. I say again, you divert YOUR course."|
|a).||"This is the aircraft carrier 'Enterprise' we are a large warship of the US Navy. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!"|
|b).||"This is a LIGHTHOUSE. Your call."|
|First published Daily Telegraph January 11th, 1996|
|Do computerised answering services drive you crazy? Telephone for psychiatric help and here's what you get!|
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.|
If you are an obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of
birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."
|Don't worry, I've run it through my spell checker|
Eye halve a spelling chequer|
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
As soon as a mist ache is maid
Eye have run this poem threw it
(by Barry Swainston, BA)
Das Beste aus deutschen Grundschulaufsätzen