Other Humour:

"Time to turn off the PC, go outside and play!"


"What Windows really does when copying your files..."


"We be edumacated"


"Sushh, it’s a secret… #1"


"Sushh, it’s a secret… #2"


"???"


"hmmmm..."


"hmmmm..."


"hmmmm..."


"hmmmm..."


"hmmmm..."


"hmmmm..."


"hmmmm..."


"hmmmm..."


"hmmmm..."


"hmmmm..."


"hmmmm..."


"hmmmm..."


"hmmmm..."


"enough said..."


"Irony at its finest!"


Car for Sale (Classifieds from Ireland)
Blue, three door, mint condition,
only 1st gear and reverse used,
power-steering (never tried),
total mileage: 17 mi, for own collection.
See picture


From a radio conversation released by the American Navy
a)."Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision."
b)."Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collison."
a)."This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again divert YOUR course."
b)."No. I say again, you divert YOUR course."
a)."This is the aircraft carrier 'Enterprise' we are a large warship of the US Navy. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!"
b)."This is a LIGHTHOUSE. Your call."
First published Daily Telegraph January 11th, 1996


Do computerised answering services drive you crazy? Telephone for psychiatric help and here's what you get!
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are an obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of
birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."


Don't worry, I've run it through my spell checker

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me straight a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your please two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

(by Barry Swainston, BA)


Das Beste aus deutschen Grundschulaufsätzen
(als Powerpoint-Datei)


If you have any funny pictures you would like to see here, please email them to us.


Last Update: